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Perspective.
I’m anxious. Much less so than I used to be, but I still struggle with anxiety. Thank God for leading me to a solution that minimizes my problem and suppposedly adjusts my brain chemistry. Those of you that dismiss the concept of restoring chemical imbalances through medication should talk to my wife. She can provide you with some before-and-after testimonials. I am aware that medication of this nature can easily be mis-prescribed or over-prescribed, but I do my best to be responsible about it.
A well-respected minister I know once said that SSRI-class (anxiety, depression) drugs are a form of witchcraft . That’s when I decided I didn’t respect him much anymore. Oh well. There are plenty of other ministers I like better anyway.
Anyway. Perspective.
I waste a lot of time because I lose perspective. My anxiety builds when an upcoming event or reaction that I don’t control looms in front of me. The control aspect is key. Some of the most common sources of anxiety don’t give me much of a problem. Speaking or performing in front of people doesn’t really bother me, for instance. My speech or performance is something I completely control, so I don’t sweat it. However, when a (usually human) variable that I can’t predict enters the equation, I worry obessively. How will this person react? Will their reaction put me in an embarrassing position? What if this person doesn’t act rationally? I am extremely sensitive to social dynamics. Events that disrupt normal social interaction are terrifying to me.
Needless to say, I have spent a lot of time worrying in my life. My dad once told me that I should always apply the “what’s the worst that can happen” test. I think about that a lot. So what if they react irrationally - what’s the worst that can happen? So you get fired, lose a friend, or make some stranger mad at you. Big deal. You can get a new job, make new friends, and there are certainly plenty of strangers out there. That was one of the best pieces of advice I ever received. But the thing is, even when I rationalize these things in my head, the anxiety persists. Less so now - due to the aforementioned supplements, but it persists nonetheless.
As much as I try, I can’t always gain perspective of my situation. This is a dangerous condition.
I think we as a church sometimes lose perspective as well. What does God really care about? What does he think of our quibbling over minor doctrinal or holiness intepretations? What does he think about the division amongst the church body. What does he think of our priorities in general?
God, help me step back and learn to recognize what is important — Oh, and by the way, thanks for the pills.
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